I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
