Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
