Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
