we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
