apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
