$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
