Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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