We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
