I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
