Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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