Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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