Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
