If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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