Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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