the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
