from now on my penis is your penis
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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