she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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