whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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