worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
