Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
