im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love you. Go after that dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
