He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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