He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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