Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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