I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
