i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
