Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
