Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
