So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
