dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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