dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
