So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
