you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
