It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
