What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
