I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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