She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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