I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
