Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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