Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
