Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
