"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
