did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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