He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
