Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
