Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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