in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
