dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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