also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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