They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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